A Timeline of Your Upcoming All-Nighter
6:30pm - 7:00pm: Freak out. Realize how much work you have to do. Decide you must stay up all night, without sleeping, working constantly
7:00pm - 8:30pm: Eat dinner
8:30pm - 10:00pm: Tell all your friends how much work you have to do, and that you’ll be staying up all night to do it. Tell them you’re “heading over to Gelman.” Stop at Starbucks for coffee. Drink your coffee. Smoke a cigarette with someone outside of Gelman. Tell more friends about how much work you have to do. Tell a stranger how much work you have to do. When asked by an acquaintance “how’s it going?” reply, “it’s going.”
10:00pm - 10:15pm: Consider finding someone with Adderall. Be excessively proud of yourself for not “stooping to that level.”
10:15pm - 10:45pm: Go to 7-11 and buy three Doubleshots, two 4 packs of Red Bull (one sugar-free, one regular), and some chips. Walk back to Gelman.
10:45pm - 11:00pm: Consider finding someone with caffeine pills. Come to the conclusion that you probably don’t know anyone with caffeine pills. But you wouldn’t stoop to that level anyway.
11:00pm - 12:00pm: Walk around Gelman trying to find the perfect place to study. Settle for something less than.
12:00pm - 12:30pm: Setup your computer. Start playing your iPod.
12:30pm - 1:00am: Take a break. Hang out outside Gelman and call some friends to tell them how much work you have to do (so much).
1:00am - 2:30am: Write the header for your paper.
2:30am - 3:20am: Read every away message of every AIM buddy you’ve ever had.
3:20am - 3:30am: Consider finding Adderall. Just consider it. Or caffeine pills? Does anyone have caffeine pills?
3:30am - 4:00am: Write something really lame on every Facebook wall you can find. Be sure to reference as many inside jokes as possible. Use initials and acronyms wherever possible.
4:00am - 4:30am: Consider taking a “short nap” so you can wake up in ten minutes, energized and ready to write a kick-ass paper.
4:30am - 10:00am: Take a short nap.
10:00am - 11:00am: Write your two-page reading response. Hang your head in shame.
11:10am: Hand in your two-page reading response.
12:25am - 1:00pm: Call everyone you know and tell them how much work you had to do last night. Tell them the workload this semester is really kicking your ass. Pass an acquaintance on the street. When asked how it’s going, answer, “Ha! Man, you don’t even know, man!” Wonder why you’re not better friends with that person.
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Comments
This makes me laugh. A lot. Like, I laughed really loudly several times and then remembered my roommates were trying to sleep… then I apologized really softly, which makes no sense. There’s no way they would’ve heard that. Delirium? I think delirium should feature more prominently in your timeline.
Ok, who’s been tracking me the night before my WID papers are due? Cause this is basically a summary of my Sunday nights.
i have NEVER been more embarrassed to be a GW student. scratch that. i’ve NEVER been more embarrassed to be a person. i think that i learned the difference between 12:00 PM and 12:00 AM back in the third grade…
it’s still pretty funny, though.
This typo is the single culminating event in my entire GW career. I honestly cannot believe someone, somewhere would type the wrong key. This is absurd.
darren, you hit it out of the ballpark with this one. i’m going to call you in a few minutes to tell you how much work i have to do- but only after i call my mom and then edit every away message i have ever used…