Woke Up With One Sock On
Not surprisingly, I have a cold and a cough and a phlegm problem. Many people have these three things right now, but fewer (me) are part of a blog called The Colonialist wherein they can explain effective ways to deal with a cold/cough/phlegm. Even fewer (0) know any effective ways to deal with a cold/cough/phlegm.
I thought it important, though, to list some things I’ve heard might work, some things that maybe could help y’all.
1. Citruses. Get that cold outta here!
“Citrus” (from the Latin cit rus or “quickly the countryside”) drives sickness out of your body and sends it “quickly the countryside.” Onward!
2. Sleep. Sleeping helps!
Sleep is a necessary, without sleep, one has nothing. For example, last night I fell asleep in the middle of writing a sentence. I woke up this morning on my couch, with one sock on, pants, a long sleeve shirt, and seven hours of rest. Serendipity!
3. Rest Take two loads off!
It’s important to rest when you have a cold: keep yourself inside and keep your heartbeatnumbers as low as possible. If you don’t rest, you’ll be around people who will be disgusted by your cough, noseruns, phlegms, etc. “Rest” (from the Latin restio or “rope-maker”) crafts the psychical and physical knotted pieces of hair, twine, tissue, and snot your body will cling to as it metaphorically pulls itself up out of sickness. Hooray!
4. Complaining Everyone wants to know!
This is obvious: whenever anyone has a cold, they’ll complain about it. It’s what one does when he/she has a cold. Some have theorized that complaining about the cold will create a call & response situation that will drive the symptoms outside of the body and into the abyssal vortex of the world. To quote Rudolph Herodotus :
…the only way we can be sure of whether or not we are sick is the extrapersonal cheque, as it were. Check to see if reminding other people of our symptoms reminds also ourselves. If we tell a friend or loved one that our head hurts, does it? If it does, the headache is making itself known in the process of attempting to respond to the call located outside your body: the headache is trying to get out!
Keep talking about how bad you are feeling! It’s working! Perhaps — if you are lucky — the person listening to your complaints will address the symptom directly, thereby locking the symptom inside of them and not you!
Hey Now!
5. Showering Get Your Steam On!
Showering is always important, but it’s especially important when you’re sick because sick people smell bad. Nobody wants to smell your sick ass, get in the shower. Jump!
6. Isolation No, I Hardly Remember Anything!
“Isolation” (from the English, Isolonesome or “a separated self, aware of the physical schism between him/herself and other people”) is the best route to follow. If you can, do your best not to see anyone who is not sick. It only makes you feel worse than you did before. YAWP!
Okay, if I think of any more of these remedies, I’ll post them.
I’m Kirk and this is the last post like this I’ll ever make because I never plan on being sick again.
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Comments
Glad to see those Latin lessons are paying off.
And remember if it’s less than 2000% of your vitamin C, it’s just not worth it.
Nyquil and alcohol works wonders for sleep. Two liquid pills and a pint of blue moon with an orange slice (need that vitamin C!) will have you sleeping soundly!
Aleve Cold & Sinus works amazingly well. For me anyway. After taking it, in about 10 minutes I can breathe through my nose and have considerably less phlegm running down the back of my throat.
Dan Malin once snorted a spoon of salt water through each of his nostrils once when he had stuffy nose and was all phlegmy and then hocked up a lot of phlegm and felt much better.
Just a thought. Feel better soon! I’ll stay away from you, because I am not sick.