The Rebirth of Adolescence
I thought the mid/late nineties were over. I thought that because they are. It’s 2008. It’s been over a decade since the mid/late nineties! Wait! What??!! Yea. Believe it.So here’s a question for those of you college-aged kids out there (believe me, our reader base has been booming lately thanks to our newest ad in reader’s digest): Isn’t that crazy?? Here’s something: I was recently cleaning old clothes out of my room and came across a bunch of things I haven’t worn in ten years. I don’t know why I haven’t cleaned my closet out before, but that’s not the point. The point is that I have lived long enough to have clothes I haven’t worn in ten years. Enter: quarter life crisis.
Maybe it’s one of those pesky ol’ neuroses jumping at my psychological vulnerability, or maybe I just think too much (Sometimes I can be like a non-Jewish Woody Allen, which barely makes sense and accounts for the disparity in humor quality), but this bothers me.Consider this: 3 of 4 editors of the colonialist are of legal drinking age and all of us will be gone after next year! What will become of us? Of this website?? Some of our friends and peers have even graduated college and have already started their real lives back in their parents houses! That’s halfway to a mortgage, which is a quarter way to calling a hot line about your credit score and a sixth of the way to white collar crime! Yikes! The answer is: yes, that’s a little crazy.
So I find it very appropriate that coupled with this realization is a wave of recent entertainment being released that’s bringing us college folk back to the good old days…drinking in the woods…dreaming bout growing a beard…attending an all-male high school…Yes!
Not one, but two (2!) movies are being released this summer that are attempting to vomit the essence of the mid/late nineties onto the unsuspecting heads of ill informed teenagers. That’s right, look out Judd, Austin Powers (Mike Meyers) is back with a familiar accent and a new hat (The Love Guru), and he went shopping for that new hat with the chemically engineered spawn of Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison and the Herlihy Boy (Adam Sandler; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. His character doesn’t actually look like these at all, but appears to be vaugely reminiscent of his entire SNL career). Unfortunately, both of these movies look awful. Here are the trailers for your enjoyment if you haven’t been disappointed by them already!
Love Guru
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan
Something that isn’t that disappointing at all, however, is this:
Pork and Beans
Last time I asked someone who cared more than I do, Rivers Cuomo was living under an freeway overpass or something, right? (See: celibate for two years. And for chronology’s sake, as far as I’m concerned Make Believe was never released. And their album before that came out in 2001, which is practically the nineties. In fact I’d argue that 2001 was the end of the nineties, but that’s another too-long post. ) Well, not anymore. Weezer’s new ‘Red Album’ (or their third(?) pompously self titled album) was released yesterday and it makes me feel all gooey inside. It makes me long for the days when I used to pick my girlfriend up in my 83 Audi and drive the long way to the mall because her mom was afraid of me driving on the highway. So, yea, imagine that and then imagine this cd being the soundtrack. But more mature. And sporting an uncomfortable mustache.
So, if you’re like me, over the course of this post you will have gone from shocked to depressed to disappointed to sentimental (which is the previous three combined but with music). Happy Re-Nineties! Happy Re-Adolescence! Happy Summer!
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[...] The Rebirth of AdolescenceHere are the trailers for your enjoyment if you haven’t been disappointed by them already! Love Guru. You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. Something that isn’t that disappointing at all, however, is this:. Pork and Beans …The Colonialist - http://thecolonialist.com [...]
The new Weezer record just breaks my heart
Blue and Pinkerton are two of my favorite records ever; Green was fun, then Maladroit and Make Believe kind of happened.
After hearing the single about how he’s going to ‘do the things that he wanna do’ I thought that maybe we’d get a return to the fun pop-rock, or maybe the introspective rawness of Pinkerton. And I was quite happy to see the whole band contribute. Surely these were all good signs.
Gah it’s so boring and uninteresting. Dull dull dull…
…then we get The Greatest Man That Ever Lived, and we get a glimpse of what could have been. Oh, how wonderful that would have been
Is it possible that you’re senile? Because that’s more of a later-in-life thing, like not part of a quarter-life crises….which worries me….because I’m pretty sure you’re senile.
The new Weezer song is pretty cool. And by that I mean the video is pretty cool (and just as aggravating as it is cool) and the song is, well, a Weezer song. Which means it’s exactly the same as every other Weezer song. Which is a pretty good song, actually.
Sick post, bro.