For some reason, this is relevant to our Presidential election.
It’s surprisingly funny:

Paris Hilton responds to McCain Ad

In Travis’ recent post about the hatchet, GW’s lack of community, and incoming freshman, he reposted his original column on advice for incoming freshman, garnering comments such as the following:

“Any incoming freshman that would take your satirical advice seriously should never have been admitted because they are probably at your low intelligence level and I have warned half a dozen to stay away from you at all cost.”

“freedom of speech didn’t exist in its current form the University would be allowed to investigate you for your truly offensive editorial.”

“While I am Jewish and don’t believe that Christ is the savior and all of that I am pretty sure you have committed a few sins through your words, but only G-D can judge you for that”

“Travis, this post is extremely masturbatory. I am tired of reading your rejected Hatchet letter. I’m also pretty sure you never worked for them.”

“Why didn’t you come to my housewarming party?”

While these comments really were only made by two different people, neither of whom still attend GW, they still prove the same thing: “woah guys, come on. Woah.” I really think we need to be concentrating on things other than Travis being “masturbatory,” okay?

And that’s why I wanted to share some very important news with you. Today, on my walk home I stopped in a deli, and had a great sandwich. It was a brand new variation on the Reuben that I’d never had before. It’s very exciting. It was a triple decker sandwich (which is NYC slang for double decker) on rye, with corned beef, pastrami, cabbage, and russian dressing. Again, “woah guys,” but this time with enthusiasm. What should I name it? Yeah, seriously. I don’t know what to call it. You tell me.

ANYWAY, here’s my original post about Ruebens and variations thereof:

The Reuben Sandwich: A World of Possibility

Hey guys, it’s Darren. There’s something I need to tell you about. Let’s just start with the fundamental agreed-upon objective truth that the Reuben sandwich is the single best deli sandwich in existence. It just makes things easier. If I actually had to prove this truth, I’d simply be wasting everyone’s time writing about something only related to the actual, riveting topic I would like to write about. Or, I could buy everyone reading this a Reuben sandwich. That would prove it, however I do not have the money. Let’s move on.

Many people are not aware of the breadth of the world of potential in which the Reuben sandwich resides. There is, of course, the Reuben sandwich — which on its own will satisfy anyone at any lunch: business, quick, late, or otherwise — but there are many other variations on the Reuben which are just as important, beautiful, and delicious. Let’s discuss them.
Here’s a chart, beginning with the classic Reuben:

The Reuben
The classic Reuben Sandwich is made on dark rye bread with corned beef (no, not pastrami, you’re wrong), sauerkraut, Swiss cheese, and Russian dressing. It is grilled, toasted, microwaved…it’s hot. If you don’t serve it with a pickle, you are not a deli and do not deserve to serve this sandwich at your fraudulent establishment.

Countries of origin:

• Switzerland (cheese)
• Russia (dressing)
• Germany (sauerkraut)
• America (deliciousness)

The Rachel
The Rachel is exactly like a Reuben excepting one substitution: coleslaw instead of sauerkraut. The results of this substitution are stunning. The Rachel is also this The Colonialist Editor’s Favorite Sandwich.

Thoughts you might have while eating a Rachel:

• “This is the best sandwich I’ve ever had.”
• “The woman I marry will be named Rachel.”
• “My entire existence finally makes sense.”
• “I have figured out the perfect exit strategy for Iraq.”

The Mr. Relief
The Mr. Relief is probably the least Reubenesque of the Reuben sandwich family. I firmly believe that the most essential part of a Reuben sandwich is the corned beef. Some may substitute pastrami for corned beef, however it is much more common that those who use pastrami instead of corned beef simply believe that a Reuben is made with pastrami. This is treason. Thus, I simply refuse to name, or even to identify any “Pastrami Reuben” or “Reuben” made with pastrami. Such ignorance shall not be rewarded. That being said, a Mr. Relief is a completely justifiable sandwich, as it replaces corned beef with turkey. Thus, the new sandwich receives a new name. If you are petrified of trying a Reuben, this may be a good warm-up, you huge, huge wuss.

Things you may or may not have done right before eating a Mr. Relief:

• Finally finished a Sudoku
• Called a close, but technically extended relative
• Walked by a Starbucks
• Read a vaguely tragic, but horribly written news article

The Broadway
I hesitate to legitimatize a sandwich made with pastrami (see above), however, what I really have a problem with is when establishments or persons replace the necessary corned beef with pastrami, yet remain ignorant to the fact that the sandwich is no longer a Reuben. A Broadway is a Reuben with both pastrami and turkey substituted for corned beef. It is good. It’s not great. Yes, I’m still giving you facts.

Famous people who eat The Broadway on a semi-regular basis:

• Jeff Goldblum
• Bubba Sparxxx
• Arnold Palmer (incidentally, he drinks an iced tea every even-numbered time he eats one and a lemonade every odd-numbered time, yet drinks an Arnold Palmer with any other, non-The Broadway sandwich)
• Frank Thomas
• Nancy Drew

Are there more? Probably. This is all for now, though. I hope that with this information you can enjoy the world of the Reuben Sandwich in any way at all. If you know of any other varieties, please comment here, although you must have proof of this sandwich being served in at least one legitimate establishment (please note pickle-serving requirements above), or — if you cannot offer this proof — you can make it for me and I will decide its fate. I am also eager to hear about any particularly good Reubens or other varieties of such in the DC area or any area at all.

I love you.

I didn’t mean that.
Maybe I did.
Let’s take this slow.

And here’s a link to every other article I’ve ever written for this blog: http://thecolonialist.com/author/darrenmiller/

And here’s a link to a website that I MYSELF created for a comedy group I’m in: http://www.beastcomedy.com

And here’s a link to a small picture of me that can very easily be used for a wallet or a locket: http://a.wordpress.com/avatar/darrenmiller-48.jpg

So come on guys, let’s get off Travis’ back. There are way more important things to be worrying about. Like sandwiches. And me.

I thought I’d give all of our graduating readers something to ponder as they wait for their graduation ceremony.  From yesterday’s NY Post:

A graduating New York University student was ejected from his commencement at Yankee Stadium yesterday after he was caught trying to steal home.

…

About three-quarters of the way through the ceremony, Lopez, wearing his gown and mortarboard, leaped over the right-field fence onto the field.

He sprinted across the outfield behind second base and made it to third, as many in the crowd, which also included 20,000 guests, cheered him on.

Lopez, a Yankee and Met fan, turned for home as stadium security and NYPD cops tackled him just feet from his goal.

“I was trying to make it to home plate,” Lopez told The Post after he was issued a summons for trespass. “I wanted to do a head-first dive. I almost made it, only 10 feet to go.”

Consider this a challenge graduates.  First one to touch the White House wins. Wait… just don’t die and blame it on us.

But from everyone at The Colonialist, have fun and good luck tomorrow.

Good morning everyone!

My computer spent the night making this (let it load all the way before you play it or else it’ll be jumpy):

[vimeo vimeo.com/1000238]

Enjoy!

Also, how are everyone’s finals?

I’m convinced I no longer have eyelids: they haven’t served their function in so long.

Travis Edit: We will be adding a few more receSs videos to this post later today.  This particular video is from a show in March.

Travis Edit 2: Here are two more videos.

Last Long-Form of the Year:

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/1006093]

Nick’s Senior Moment:

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=xbWGsyX9ijs]

Today the internet brings you two things:

1) ThingsIDidLastNight.com

2)

Colonialist correspondent Jon Foox alerted us to some big news.

Phones and Dinosaurs.

More details below:

MORE AFTER THE JUMP.  If you have any information, please send it over ASAP!

(more…)

Just a brief post between my Facebook Chat conversations.

Seems our “Oh, What A Wednesday” post about the Westboro Baptist Church has gotten the attention of a certain group of people… the Westboro Baptist Church.

After trudging through some site data, we found a link pointing here from their famous website GodHatesFags.com.  They mention us on their news page with the caption: “Kind of interesting in a not at all interesting way. LOL.”  They have the same opinions and writing style as G-Scene!

Here’s a link to their news page.

However, only six people have clicked the link from their site.  That puts their readership at roughly the same as GWblogspot.

We hope they continue to read our blog and let us know what the few people on earth going to Heaven think about GW Student Life.  We shall invite their college age members to our next party.

I usually steer clear of diary blog posts, but I have to share my day with you.

I have been fascinated for some time with a church out of Kansas called the Westboro Baptist Church.  They travel around to high profile American events and protest under the mantra of “God Hates Fags.”  They believe that God is punishing America for our sodomy and that’s why great tragedies occur.  Iraq veteran funerals, Virginia Tech funerals, Amish school shooting funerals… they protest at all of them.  The fact that there is a group of people that has dedicated their lives to this cause amazes me.  And with the pope in town, the Westboro Baptist Church decided to come and let ol’ Benny know what they thought.

And I knew I had to witness it.

I met up with a friend around 11:45am to head over for their noon protest in front of the White House.  He shares my obsession with their disgusting opinions and wanted to come to see the show.  We walked closer and realized that this wasn’t going to be as easy as we originally thought.  Thousands of people lined Pennsylvania Avenue, each person holding Pope memorabilia, a fanny pack and digital camera.  Roads were blocked, sidewalks were packed, and there were no Westboro members in sight.

We looked on in panic.  How are we ever going to see the Westboro Baptist Church now?  This is a once in a lifetime experience and we’re going to miss it.

And then I heard it.  A roar came over the crowd that was louder than Bon Jovi fans in Giants Stadium.  There was cheering, and clapping and drum circles and everyone starting jumping.  And before I knew it, Pope Benedict sped by me in all his gremlin-glory.  (The pope mobile is actually a really expensive Mercedes.  He rides DUBs.)  He looked just as ugly in person and was gone before I knew it.  A good portion of the crowd laughed and turned to their friends after they saw him.  That wasn’t something I expected out of my Catholic brethren.

The crowd finally dispersed and we continued on our journey to see the WBC.  We walked around the back of the White House hoping we’d see their trademark signs there, but to no avail.  Things were looking bad.  Maybe we missed them in the melee.  Maybe I’d never get to see the Westboro Baptist Church.

And then I saw the light.  The great big shining light of homophobia. We rounded the corner into Lafayette Park and there they were.  I felt giddy.  It felt like I was meeting Vern Troyer or Brian Peppers.

There were only a few of them, and no one in the park seemed to really care.  They had some really confusing signs including “Pedophile Rape Pimp,” “Fag Pimp Pope,” and the crowd favorite, “You Eat Your Kids.”

We stood watching for a bit when we noticed a disturbance across from us.  A small counter-protest had popped up.  It consisted of two skinny blond girls in jean mini-skirts who were yelling at the WBC.  They had signs that defended the Catholic Church and kept yelling about how God is Love.  And then it shifted.  They started yelling “We love eating vagina!” and “I am so happy to love girls.”  This was a little unexpected, but at least it kind of made sense.

The next part did not make much sense.

The more vocal member of the counter protest began to yell even louder.  Suddenly, she screamed “HEY WESTBORO BAPTIST,” which startled most people in the area.  And with out even a second thought, she did it.

She lifted up her shirt and flashed the Westboro Baptist Church.  And me.  Her breasts were followed with, “You saw my boobs!  You’re all going to hell!”

That’s when I laughed.

Our counter protesting friend defended the Pope and the Catholic Church through a public display of nudity.

I thought about that and laughed again.

Moments later a college age photographer came over and laughed with us about what had happened.  He told us the girl was 16.

That’s when we felt uncomfortable.

And eventually the crowd around the protest grew larger, and the WBC panicked and packed up.  They received a police escort out of the park and we returned to campus.

What had started as a walk to see some crazy bigots turned into a journey.  With in one hour of each other I saw the following: Crazy people, The Pope and a 16 year old’s breasts.

Oh, what a Wednesday it has been.

MAJOR EDIT: Pat, my partner on my Wednesday journey, just found a picture of the girls on a BBC website.  The one on the left was the phantom flasher.  Here’s the link.

Recently, the editors of thecolonialist.com (Darren, Kevin, Travis, Kirk) and a thecolonialist.com contributor (Emily) performed standup comedy at The Comedy Spot in Ballston, VA. The acoustics were horrible (the audience sounded like they were laughing from two floors down) and the atmosphere was very strange (it was a comedy club in the middle of a mall) but it was lots of fun. Here’s the video to prove it!