That One
Charlie On Parole World Premeire!
It's tough on the outside.
Hey guys,
This Saturday, at 10:30pm in the Marvin Center Ampitheater, we will have our very first screening of the final cut of Charlie On Parole. Tickets will be $5 at the door. Check out the Facebook Event!
Paul Briganti (the non-GW branch of beast.Films as well as the co-director), Kevin, and I will be there to show the (Short, 25 minute) film, as well as other videos, outtakes, deleted scenes and extra footage. It will be a lot of fun.
The short film stars GW alum, TJ Miller, and features GW Alum Emily Axford (Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater, Colbert Report), Joe Wengert (Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater), and Bobby Moynihan (Saturday Night Live).
Some of you may have seen our rough cut screening last spring. Since then, the film has grown exponentially, and we have been able to use the experience and feedback from that screening to create a final product we are very proud of. We have spent the last year working extremely hard on this project and putting everything we have into it. We want nothing more than for as many people as possible to see it, and hopefully, to enjoy it.
You can check out the facebook event, film website, or beast.Films website for more info.
Here is the trailer!
http://www.vimeo.com/1440895
(if the HD version is giving you trouble, try watching the non-HD version)
How To Defeat Juicy Campus
Since the launch of Juicy Campus, the writers at The Colonialist have come up with about 50 different posts that we wanted to make about the site. While I don’t intend to devote 17 full posts to the website (like the Patriot), I do think it is time to say something.
Juicy Campus is fun because it targets our most human pleasures. We want to know gossip. We want to know smears. We like rumors. It is hard to admit, but it’s true. I spent the weekend surfing the site a lot, putting up things about myself and my roommates. I’d like to openly admit to writing all 10 of the comments calling The GW Patriot racist. I’d be willing to bet that 80% of the posts on the site are done with the same innocent prank attitude. It’s a playground.
That doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.
Juicy Campus is the reality TV of websites. It’s mindless and wretched but for some reason it is desirable. While it’s fun, most people agree that we would be better off with out the website. Give it enough time, and every single one of us will have our feelings hurt by an anonymous posting on the internet. Only the most trivial of human beings wish this on someone else. We don’t want this. We don’t want Juicy Campus.
What do we do now that it is here?
Do we ban it? Pepperdine University and Georgetown University both tried to ban the website from school networks. This is dumb. Censoring the internet sets a precedent that we don’t want in academia. If we ban Juicy Campus, The Colonialist is next.
Do we ignore it? We can’t ignore it. The site exists and there is no way we can stop people from actively participating in the gossip-mongering. Even if you choose to not visit the site, others will. Remember, the site is something we all secretly enjoy.
The only solution: Use Juicy Campus’ free and open forum as a weapon against itself. This isn’t spam, it’s a response. I’m willing to bet the amount of people who wish to demolish Juicy Campus far exceeds those who want it around. We can stop the site by using the site. All three major GW blogs agree on this. I’m asking the Hatchet to stand with us on Thursday with some sort of editorial. GWBlogspot wrote a great piece about JC. The GWPatriot has figured out how to destroy it. Here are the instructions:
1) Launch JuicyCampus.
2) Post something utterly ridiculous and benign. A few ideas: free-verse poetry, absurdist short prose, wikipedia articles, long explications of your various political philosophies, silly attacks on yourself, transcripts of conversations you’ve had or plan to have with other people (or yourself), the titles of the last ten books you read, your homework. [Colonialist Edit: DO IT OFTEN!]
3) Reply to a similar post by someone else. These forums thrive on interaction, and it’s not hard to play off someone else’s absurdity.
4) Vow to do this daily, and never to succumb to the temptation to use JuicyCampus the way it’s “supposed” to be used.
The front page of the site has already been flooded with poetry. Many are hidden under fake titles like “Pita Pit is CLOSING.” We are the reason Juicy Campus works and we can also be the reason that it doesn’t work.
If we can keep this up for long enough, people will find the site unreliable and unusable. The hidden ugly content will be flooded with poetic responses and wikipedia entries. No one will need to use the site anymore. No one will develop the habit of reading it every day. Juicy Campus will cease to be relevant.
Once more: We are the reason Juicy Campus works and we can also be the reason that it doesn’t work. It is up to you.
Send this to your friends. Get posting.
[KIRK EDIT: It's important that the posts that fall under the categories "Most Discussed" and "Most Viewed" are receiving juicy poem bombs. These are the real lifeblood of the site.
Punch in the throat with the magic of absurdity! A resurging dada! Zoom! Zoom! Zimbo! Columns in the corner, handles in the deskchair.]
[TRAVIS EDIT: It's worth noting that this is absolutely working on the front page. JC moderators deleted a bunch of posts saying that the site sucked now because of our posts. They are NOT deleting posts with subject titles that appear to fall in line with the site. They also do not delete individual posts with in topics. Keep it up! It's WORKING. But as Kirk said, we also have to do this on the Most Discussed and Most Viewed pages.]
Darren’s Thoughts #2
If you happen to pass gas at work, it is wise to leave the premesis as quickly as possible, a) from your desk to the water cooler, b) from your desk to the bathroom, or c) from your desk to your boss’ desk- Maybe I shouldn’t have led with that one.
- The Red Sox game wasted way too much procrastination time last night. They’re looking like their playoff selves, manufacturing runs, making big plays, and going into extra innings, except for the whole “winning when it goes into extra innings” thing. So that sucks.
- Somehow Matt Cassel didn’t totally suck yesterday. Oh, that’s right. 49ers.
- New Plays Festival is this weekend!
- So is the Charlie On Parole World Premiere! I will make a post about this later. HUGE!
- Georgetown has a stomach bug going around campus! Aren’t you glad you got deferred and wait-listed, and decided to come here? Yeah! Fuck them!
- Fall semester is really just what you do in between Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. And then between Labor Day and Halloween there’s a handful of nice minor holidays too. I think we should just add a bunch more holidays, and make each holiday automatically last until the next holiday begins. And then there can be like an “R&R” holiday that occurs bi-weekly too. Then everything would be themed. Which is both good and bad. Discuss.
- Does GW have any good sports teams worth getting into? Remember when the basketball team was really good? Yeah, me neither.
- If you had a band, what kind of music would it play, and what would it be called?
- There is a crack in my computer screen. It’s kinda like a bullet hole. It’s white on the inside so I see white instead of whatever is on the screen. It’s almost never conveniently placed. I’m trying to figure out how it got there. So far my ideas are a) someone tried to staple the computer screen, b) someone clicked REALLY HARD, c) someone tried to put their flash drive in the middle of the screen. I think this one looks the funniest, or d) actual bullet hole.
- I waited till last night to book my flight home for Thanksgiving, and boy did I get screwed.
- What are your thoughts?
- What are the thoughts of the person to your left?
BREAKING: Active Fire on Campus
BREAKING From 8:20pm: Police are closing off many blocks around FSK and Old Main near F/G and 20. Firefighter on the scene turned a Colonialist writer away as they attempted to walk down, asserting that there was an “active fire.”
If you have any information, let us know. We’re going to try to find out some more information now.
An Open Letter to Vishal Aswani: What the Fuck?
WHAT THE FUCK!?!
A recent Hat Shed article, which has a link to a pdf of an awkward, threatening email from Greta Twombly to the SA representatives. A png (portable network graphics! it’s like a jpeg, but different because it…oh, nevermind) of the pdf is at the bottom of this post, click it and make it bigger! Or you can see it here.
The fellers and ladies who received the email were threatened not to leak it. Greta writes:
This is very IMPORTANT and this email must remain CONFIDENTIAL. Anyone found leaking this email will have the appropriate action pursued against them.
Why are people being threatened?
Why are people being threatened about something if they are supposed to be telling the truth?
What are they being threatened with? No free t-shirts?
What the fuck is going on?
Vishal, make a post on State of the Uni and straighten things out. The SA has neither the need nor the power to threaten anyone. Student politics is about giving people money for free and making people smile, not threatening one another OR ” throw[ing] in something about how[...][sic]” everything is hunky dory everywhere all the time.
Even more, if you’re being hounded by someone who won’t stop investigating and annoying you, DON’T SEND SECRET MEMOS! To quote McCain, “You don’t say that out loud!”
More and more, if the SA peoples were telling the truth, why would this memo be necessary?
EDIT: The GW Patriot’s Bill F and I present similar positions! YAY!
William F Buckley Is An Asshole
William F Buckley with all his money money money portfolios
Remember when that asshole William F Buckley Died?
Remember when Noam Chomsky killed the very same Wylie Frank Buckleyston back in 1968?
Well, Bill Fucking Bucklefuck pulled a fast one from beyond the crypt. Bucklefuck’s will says:
“I intentionally make no provision herein for said Jonathan, who for all purposes … shall be deemed to have predeceased me.”
Jonathan is WFB’s illegitimate grandson. Now, if WFB didn’t want to give money to his illegitimate grandson with special needs, that’s his prerogative, but predeceased?! Goddamn.
Also, look at his ugly apartment!!
Chris’ one-time beau is being aggressive with her court cases, but…if they threw Irina Woelfle and her son some cash, maybe the problem would go away, no?
Thank You For Smoking sucked.
The Buckleys suck.
Hey! I'm a dick!
Don’t miss the VP debate at nine!
An Open Letter to Vishal Aswani
Vishal,
I think it’s time we start this discussion.
You’ve been doing a great job so far, but there’s something you need to do for our school:
Get us election day off.
November 4th is a big day for this country and especially it’s young people. On a typical school day, many students have trouble finding time to eat between reading and class. In a historic election like this one, the lines at the polling places could be hours long. I would hate to see a situation where students have to get out of line at their local polling place to make sure they make their Intro to Anthropology quiz. As much as we say you could work it out with your professor, I’m sure that is not the case for all professors.
Beyond the time issue, there are A LOT of GW students who plan to be on the ground in Virginia the day of the election. There is a strong chance that our neighbors to the south will be the tipping point this year, and I think it’s great that our campus is working towards that. It would be detrimental to the active political student body at GW if they got a zero on their Astronomy mid-term because they were fighting for a candidate they believed in.
This isn’t unheard of. The crazy conversative Liberty University in Virginia (run by Jerry Falwell) is giving their students the day off and driving them for free to the polling place. They also attempted a massive registration drive to make sure every student on their campus could vote. This is leading CNN to say that ONE University could tip the election to McCain. Look Vishal, read about it here!
November 4th is an incredibly important day for the majority of the campus, and the University should provide us with the opportunity to participate. You are our only real voice with in the administration, and I think this is worth fighting for.
Vishal, get us election day off.
Love always,
Travis Ryan Helwig
P.S. Update more. I like your blog!
Halloween Costume Ideas 1 & 2
It’s October 1st!
That means you only have 31 days to figure out what you’re going to wear out to an overpriced bar or your friend’s slightly disappointing party! The writers of the Colonialist take Halloween very seriously and we wanted to provide you guys with some tips for what to wear on the big day. We’ll highlight a new costume every few days to make sure you know all your options come October 30th.
Costume Choice Number 1: The Love Guru
Want to impress everyone you know? Go as the HILARIOUS FUNNY LAUGH character from the top grossing film of all time The Love Guru! Mike Myers is at the top of his game right now, and you want to make sure every one knows you know when things are funny. This is the perfect costume for any class clown or washed up former celebrity.
Costume Choice Number 2: Dog The Bounty Hunter
What better way to celebrate the halloween than to instill fear in all the bond debtors out there! Not only will you be scary, but you’ll be advertising an A&E program! Everyone loves A&E. You can tell by the picture that this costume comes with tiny hand cuffs, a temporary tattoo and a mean grimace. Find this costume before it FINDS YOU. N-word not included.
We also want to hear about your best Halloween costumes. Let us know your favorite ideas, and what you’ve gone as in the past. Halloween is a big deal. Don’t fuck it up.
Here I am with fellow Colonialist editor Kirk Larsen as Doug Funnie and Roger Klutz Klotz* our freshman year:
*[KIRK EDIT: Up to this post, Travis was the reigning self-proclaimed Doug Knowlege Expert. While he has beaten a lot of people at Doug trivia, it seems the spelling of the main baddy's name was the U that split Mr. Helwig's Douggleyou (does that pun make any sense?)]
Oproma!
Dance for Change! From Students for Barack Obama:
When: Saturday, October 4th from 9PM to 1AM
Where: City View Room in the 1959 E St. NW Building
What: Oproma is the most exciting Democratic social-political fundraising event of the season, hosted by the GW College Democrats! Oproma is a prom-themed dance hosted in the spectacular City View Room in the 1959 E St. building. The proceeds of this event will fund three out-of-state GW College Democrats campaign trips on behalf of the Democratic candidate for President, Senator Barack Obama! The event will offer live music, food and drinks, professional photographers, and a chance to live out prom once again, all in the name of advancing the Democratic Party! During the event a Michelle and Barack will be crowned!
Price: Individual tickets are $20 now and $25 at the door.
Couples discount is $35.
Students who participate in the AIDS walk on Saturday morning can buy tickets at the discounted price of $15.
All are invited! Students must be 21 to drink.
